The Trophy Piece

She woke up from the noise of his shaving machine. Opened her eyes into the darkness and smiled for being blessed of waking up again with him on her side… She got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom for a good morning kiss and hug… As always, she was thoughtful and caring enough to know that this will light up one’s day… especially her beloved’s day… She put on her early awakened smile, opened the bathroom’s door silently, thinking about pleasantly surprising him.

She was a young, silent woman. She was usually called as the “silent power”… This kind of power that is subtle, that has not the need to show itself to others, does not become accomplished by being imposed. She has been through much on her life, but never showed them. She was being kind and smiling, humble and patient. Patient with people who do not care, who do not love, who do not feel; patient with people who care too much, who love too much, who feel too much. Always her “silent power” made people feel better, comforted by having her on their side. And she always was there for them; especially for him.

Mr. Vam was shaving over the sink, looking all so accomplished and ready to concur the world. She went behind his back, wrapped her arms around him and tenderly said: “Good morning hun…” and kissed his shoulder. “A beautiful Saturday morning, isn’t it? We should do something together today, maybe a walk when you come back from work?!” she said, with her heart craving to listen to him agreeing. It has been a long time since they enjoyed a walk, a dinner, or a cup of coffee together. It seemed like centuries ago that sweet words came out of his serious mouth.

Mr. Vam never was the type of man she always dreamed of. She was so caring and romantic, that the only person she could attract was the exact opposite. He cared for her too, but with his own way of showing it. There were many excuses which popped her head when she was silently or even loudly awaiting for a few considerate movements from his side. Especially his work was the biggest excuse he and she gave when hard times came; and she had helped him a lot with that too and never considered to be thought as favor. She just did it out of interest for his soul, when he was sinking into a deep depressive ocean, one and a half years ago. Of course he was a capable man, but all people have a need for a small push every once and then. But she never thought that her handful of help will turn to become her nightmare and the cause of death of their relationship.

“I need to take a shower, I’m meeting this lawyer today and I need to be extremely preppy. He is a very well known lawyer, and very powerful. Then I’ll have to go meet my co-worker for lunch to discuss a few things about work. And of course, in the evening I’ll have to go to this gala I was telling you about”, he mumbled. His words electrified her; she was asked by him a few days ago to escort him to this gala, as she always was asked for when business and pleasure could be combined. “So, baby, you are not taking me with you tonight?”, she replied, fearing that she would once again be abandoned on a Saturday night. “It is business babe, don’t you get it? You will be standing there by my side like a trophy piece! And I need to be concentrated tonight, no destructions can be afforded.”

The empty stare came to her eyes, with her hands still around his waist. She led her teary eyes to the black bathroom mat, with the sun rays hitting her face; yet she could see no light. She led her desolated body walk out of the bathroom, as he stepped into the shower. She dragged it back to the darkness of their bedroom and lay down, with her tears wetting the new pillow case. Her emotions burst out of her eyes and chest, like a volcanic eruption. She could do anything to stop it, as her body was shaking out of pain and disappointment. She kept telling to herself: “How can I let him talk to me this way, how am I allowing myself to bare this kind of treatment? What have I done wrong? I’ve always been on his side, supporting him till the end of my existence, taking care of him and his struggles; rarely do I speak back at him when he bursts his anger on me. Whatever he asks for, he gets it without complaints. Haven’t I been kind to him? Haven’t I kept my silence and obedience to him all this time?”

Series of thoughts and memories stormed into her mind, thousands of images of her waiting alone for him to call or to come home, portraits of loneliness with her as a model. Decisions that should have been taken a long time ago seemed as the only solution to her suffering. But she was weak when she was with him. No demands were ever expressed, not to lose him. He made her feel small; tiny. And she was not; she knew that. Hordes of people marveled her and found her strong and respectful. Yet the only person she cared about viewed her and imposed to her to feel anemic. Whenever she tried to open her wings and fly away, he would always come and fold them back by saying “I don’t want to lose you; you are the best thing that ever happened to me”. And she would forget about that flight; her man wanted her; that was important.

She folded her knees to her chest; and let all emotions to flow out of her. She knew by that moment she would do nothing. She couldn’t do anything to change him, nor the situation. She allowed time to assist her pain to deteriorate. She squeezed her head between her legs and chest, to make it stop of thinking. She couldn’t walk away, she loved him. What was the thing she loved, it didn’t matter. She knew he did, with her whole being. Then she heard the door bang after his hurried exit. She stretched her motionless body, got out of the mattress and the dark room, and made her way to the kitchen. She made coffee for herself, and sat on the couch. There were no tears in her eyes now. She lit a cigarette, drunk a zip of coffee and stared at the birds sitting and flying to the sun-hit trees out of her window.