Look at her... She once was the perfect woman. The woman of a man’s dreams. At least to my youthful eyes. And now, look at her… Look at those silly slippers she’s wearing, their noise that I cannot stand. How did I end up here, like this? How wrong were my choices? How stupid was I? I stare at the un-removed stain in my vest, and I’m getting lost in this world of unanswered questions. I’ve always been a dreamer. As long as I can remember myself, I wanted to reach the stars. I may not have literary reached them, but I studied them. I am a part of them, and they are a part of me. Always being so busy to excel, to be the best. And look at her, idle and still. My exact opposite. Doing nothing beyond the trivial. Thinking nothing beyond the usual. Idle and still, body and mind. A routine, a pattern of nothingness.

                Idleness is what kills me. And this woman is the embodiment of nothing, of inaction. Always with her empty eyes gazing at the ground, humble, without the guts and enthusiasm to overtake the boundaries of her existence. This passive existence, subordinate to mediocrity. Bound to the ground she is, to this world of emptiness. Couldn’t she be like me? Couldn’t she try to become what I am? Or come close to me and my mind, my way of thinking and looking at the world. Then I would be proud for having her on my side. For being my wife, and I, her husband. Oh, I would be her guide. I know how it is and what it takes to escape from the pattern. Does she have those qualities though? That’s what I wonder when I see her getting involved with her routine. Her unvarying repeated formula of doing things: wake up early every day, do her exercise, and scroll down the stairs for her cup of coffee. Then cleaning the house, doing the laundry, cooking lunch, dinner, baking cakes and chocolate cookies. Every day, over and over and over again. A habit it has become. And the worse thing is that it has become a part of my reality too. Those habitual and unimaginative “duties”, are influencing me too! How can I “escape” from the frivolous life that I feel trapped in, when the person beside me cannot go beyond all that? It keeps me down. I’ve reached a bottom. Oh, but those are her limits, this is the purpose of her being I suppose: obeying repeatedly.

                I am a person with dreams and vision. I cannot consume time with banalities. I have goals to accomplish and serious work to do. I cannot consume time and energy thinking of how “beautiful the grass looks under the summer sun”, neither to consider “how perfect it would be if we could go for a walk at the beach”. Neither I can become enthusiastic about “spending time alone with each other, and remembering how it was to love one another”. Nor can I imagine myself “worshiping the moment that we two are together, this cold day of December, near the fireplace of our-so called-home”. Those are platitudes that I cannot worship nor care for. Yes I can see that the grass is green under the sun, yes I like that my feet get warm when I sit near the fireplace on a cold day, but what is the real essence behind all that? Is there anything important or spiritual behind all that? Does the “walk at the beach” provide me with some kind of meaning for my life? Or it is just a way to excuse myself from thinking and going ahead? How weird women are; finding meaning in something conventional.

                The past few days I see her constantly trying to fix this plumbing issue that came up. I am not surprised that she has not been able yet to find a solution with it.. Of course she did not ask for my help; how could I help her with that? It’s not my duty to take care of the house, I cannot spend time working on ordinary stuff. I was made for more. Thankfully she has realized that, and she did not annoy me with her problems.

                Of course the plumber must come one of these days to fix it. The funny thing is that I’ll have to give him my money to settle this thing. Had she been more capable, she could have fixed it herself. And then there will be two people in my house that their being keeps them from progressing, from reaching the stars. A plumber and a wife. Huh! I’ll be surrounded with people bounded in this earth.

                Why do I even let myself bother with her existence? Why do I keep my mind busy with issues like that, instead of letting it to “stargaze”? Oh, I already consumed a lot of thought on her. She will find her way to deal with her mettles. I shall get back to what I do best: setting goals and going up, to meet “my stars”. I must stop thinking about her. I am made for far more things than she is. I’ll sit in my armchair and think about this astronomy problem that came up, I think I have discovered a fifteenth galaxy. Hmmm… let’s work on that…